Friday, August 01, 2008

Values (If that is the right word)

I need help in realizing that I can not place my values onto others...

You see, I "expect" a Thank You note for the wedding gift that I gave in December. Especially before the couple goes on Summer vacation to Guatemala. I guess to my way of thinking if you have the time to travel, you should have the time to pen a note. (I gave her slack earlier when I thought that she was up at all hours writing lesson plans...)

That is an example in my "real" life.

Then in my Blogging life I read something that seems awfully selfish to me (in a bad way, not in an I ate the whole tub of ice cream without sharing way). I unsubscribed, I was so "upset" by what I read. I actually shed a tear over that choice. When I left the blog I had to remind myself to think, "You can not place your values onto someone else." Here I am an hour later writing about it, so I really do need to work on acting on my thoughts... I mean, some people may find it selfish the amount of time that I devote to my hobby - going to quilt shows, etc. Our ideas are all different...

I also read about a blogger who is stepping away from blogging - after reading about one of her favorite bloggers moving into her area with preconceived notions about what to expect & then lamenting about how they are "true" and missing "home." So I am not the only one who places my values onto someone else (Just about every elected official does this in one way or another - in my county, hard liquor is sold by the County Government & it is not sold on Sunday!).

Oh & all of the opinions/values associated with child birth - ACK! Mind blowing when you actually stop & think about it. I'll still be suprised when thay let me take the baby home... Seriously, I have only had two cats to practice on! & we are hypochondriacs about that... Ask my vet.

Sorry for all of this deep thought at 6:20 in the morning. I guess that is what happens when you have been thinking about things in your own life & then read about them elsewhere...


Kay said...

You do have a right to expect a thank you note! That always infuriates me. As for the other things, it's amazing how upsetting it is to read some things in blogs. I guess it's because you feel you know the blogger, and then are suddenly sandbagged by a part of them you didn't know. I suppose a carefully, non-offensive comment is the way to handle this, but I usually just brood. Have a good day :)

The Quilting Pirate said...

As I have vented about this in my blog as well....what I think it comes down to is "expectations". If you are raised to send a thank you note, it is an expectation we all think we are raised with. Hence the frustration and pain of not receiving one when we feel it's expected.

I had to learn for myself, I can not put expectations on others. I have to be satisfied that I know my actions are respectful and grateful and generous. So, when I send something in a swap, I don't "expect" anything in return. I did it for my own charitable reasons.


mamaspark said...

I say a thank you note is expected. I guess that's the way I was raised, you too apparently!
It is interesting that there are so many opinions on pregnancy, giving birth and child rearing. Just follow what your instincts tell you to, you will find that you are usually right. I used to consider what others said, and then use what worked for me and disregard the rest. No one way is right for everyone!
It is too bad that the other stuff upset you. I tend to place the same expectations on others that I do on myself and I am sometimes disappointed. then I have to remind myself that those people don't have to live up to my expectations and maybe they need a little uplifting when they are struggling. Sometimes I just keep my mouth shut when others express opinions I don't agree with (I work with a bunch of folks that I have some VERY different opinions from!)
Hope your day improves!!

Jane said...

I expect thank you notes and I am seriously considering not giving gifts in this current world of bad manners.

However.....when you do not give with strings of give and you let go and that means letting go of expectations. Hard but probably worthwhile.
Makes the giving a little purer maybe?

As for values on blogs.
I am sure that many people would jump over some sections of my blog as I have chosen not to split myself up into quilting me, gardening me, Christian me, home loving me etc etc.
So I am aware that some will read somethings that i write and say garbage garbage.......but tis my blog and they do not have to read it.
The converse of this is how many wider worlds have opened to me because I have allowed my world to be wider.

Someone used an expression in a blog I read that did not gell with who she seemed to be I fed back to her as gently as I could how it grieved me.......she was so appreciative that in this case it was a judgemment that was worth the risk.

But we can always take what is good and ignore what is not...and when it is totally to much....then edit that feed out.

Betty J in OKC said...

I know how hard it is to wait for an expected TY note, even when none comes. I am suprised nowdays when I actually *do* get one. lol

As for being a cat hypochondriac, don't worry about that. Your instincts are what's prompting you to take your furbabies to the vet. I had a series of vets giving my Belle cortisone shots every 4-6 wks, and then one started treating her for allergies due to the rattling in her chest when she breathed. It wasn't allergies and we were all STUNNED when she suddenly passed. My Belle had an undiagnosed lung tumor and I *still* miss her deeply. I'd say GO with your instincts. They'll work with your furless kitten too.

Libby said...

A thank you note is such a simple thing. Still it can be mighty powerful in that simplicity. That little acknowledgment (or lack) of time, thought and effort can change the entire course of a relationship. Who knew that would be the case when you were writing those notes to Grandma back in the day *S*

Shelina said...

Opening up wedding gifts takes a lot of organization - you have to keep track of who got you what, etc., and still have your invitation list so you can match up names and addresses. If I don't get a thank you, I chalk it up to some mishap somewhere in the organization. In our family we don't send thank you's, so I can see how my daughter would need serious nagging to get them out.

paula, the quilter said...

I am guilty of putting my expectations onto others also. *sigh* I give people a 3 strikes you're out when I give gifts. If three gifts (and I know this is generous) are not acknowledged, then that is it, no more of my time, money and energy will be devoted to a gift. A card will suffice. I have a stash of generic cards so even that does not waste my time. I have actually written off a niece because of this.

andsewitis Holly said...

I remember getting a thankyou note from a "nephew" addressed to us on the envelope but written out to someone else. We gave him a gift but it wasn't what he mentioned. Boy did we have a good laugh about that one. At least he tried. I wonder how many other people opened their thank you notes and thought, huh?

Tanya said...

I am having a dilemma right now in my head about values. I can only say (or choose not to say) what is right for me and I'm sorry if it upsets people but you have to be true to yourself too. I try not to take offense at what others say directly to me even though I disagree with their values. And yes, there are some people I've walked away from (in blogging too) since there is a chord that strikes me wrong. But it is just as much my right to walk away as it is for them to have those values. That is what makes the world interesting. Different ways of looking at things.