Tuesday, May 13, 2008

Can I blame the baby?

I have been crying (emotional) far more than normal...

Caveat: I cry during movies, advertisements, playing the national anthem during the Olympics

But I have recently started crying without those visual cues.

I cry when I come to the realization that I have not even come close to working on ANYTHING.
I cry when the actual thought crosses my mind that I am really pregnant.
I cry when I think about all of the things that I need to do between now & then - not just "the baby quilt" & 100+ hand made receiving blankets, but day care, etc.
I cry when I am alone & wonder if this is the right thing to be doing.
I cry when I think about how polar opposite I am from my MIL & how she just doesn't get it. (I am apparently full of sh*t when I say that I don't like to talk on the phone. Sorry, I did not grow up talking on the phone, nor did I see this behaviour exhibited by my parents - back then there was this thing called long distance & I lived in a different area code from my High School & different time zone from any family.)

I am tired of all of the "new stuff" going on in my body - when will the aching stop? (If anyone out there says December 4th - aka Due date - you better start running & ducking now.) Oh & I cry when I am made to think that I am the only on who is acting like a big baby over that stuff.

Oh and I am tired PERIOD. The only time that i get anything done is over the weekend - after a nap (after I slept in of course). I seriously doubt that if I changed my work scedule that any of that would change, so I will continue to arrive at 6:30 & leave at 3 - because I can still do more things after work than I could while sleeping the morning away (like visiting child care centers). Besides, the commute would add road rage to my already impressive list of things to cry about!

I could go on, but that is a pretty good illustration...

26 comments:

mamaspark said...

Oh Amy, if you are crying now you will be crying again when the baby is born too. I used to watch commercials and cry when the cat came home! Remember Morris? LOL. Mid way through you should begin to be less tired. (Of course the sleep deprivation after the baby is born will bring that all back again! but at least you will have a beautiful newborn to hold! That always made me feel better. and Yes, I wondered if we were doing the right thing but after she was born, as she cried all the time. Now she is my best friend! Please believe it is all worth it and then some. Email anytime, I've been through it 3 times.

Screen Door said...

Hey kiddo -- I know it doesn't make it any easier, but what you are going through is completely normal...which is the way you want it. I can remember coming home on my lunch hour just to sleep for 20 minutes.I was always exhausted. MILs are tough-- even good ones. Just don't give up... Because one day you will be one. I always tried to look at it like an evolutionary process. I'll be a better MIL because of mine. I cried over commercials, books, tv, billboards... My poor husband, how he lived through all of it I'll never know. Just remember it's worth it...

The Quilting Pirate said...

Hugs Amy.

Kay said...

It will probably get better before December 4 as the hormones settle down a bit. Hang in there.

Gina said...

Hang on in there Amy it does get better. I used to cry over everything aswell. I can remember being in the grocery store and crying because they didn't have the item I wanted.
Don't beat yourself up over it, it's normal.
If you are tired then go to bed if you can or just take time to relax. This is the one time in your life when you have a nailed down excuse to take life easy.
Don't worry about your MIL, they were put on this life to make our lives hell. I don't use the phone either so you are not alone.

love and hugs xxx

Jody said...

hugs to you ... they say the second trimester is the "honeymoon phase" ... hopefully it'll be easier then.

Mama Koch said...

Take a deep breath and realize that it won't last. I slept all of my spare time when pregnant. Get all the rest you can, cause your body needs it.

**HUGS***

Libby said...

It doesn't seem like it today . . . but it really will end or at least lessen some.
I remember standing in the grocery store about to melt down at the enormity of it all - when I saw a women with 4 (FOUR!) kids. She didn't look crazed, dazed, exhausted or emotional. I had a little inner conversation with myself, realizing that women have been doing this for a long time - many of them more than once. It's survivable, it really is. Hang in there *S*

JudyL said...

I've heard this this is all normal and while I'm sure it is awful to be going through, think how nice it's going to be when "that date" arrives and you have a baby!! You have big changes going on, both inside your body and your lifestyle (forever!) with a baby on the way. Try to enjoy some of this time and about the MIL . . I'd like to say that she needs to change her way of thinking but she probably will not. What you cannot change, you just have to learn to live with and do not let her upset you. You have enough real-life-changing-things to worry about and I'd say some family member's attitude should not be added to your plate right now. Good luck, Amy!

Tracey in CT said...

Amy if it makes you feel any better, everything you've mentioned sounds totally normal!!!

Dorothy said...

Aw, poor thing. It'll pass, really it will. When I was pregnant, especially with the last one, I used to fall asleep sitting up, lying down, leaning against a door frame - you name it. If I had 5 minutes to close my eyes, I'd be snoring within 2.

The crying - that might not change for a while. It might switch up, too. I remember one time I had to pull over because I was laughing so hard I couldn't see. I can't even recall what it was about, something dumb, I'm sure.

The aching? Dearest, you're growing a whole extra person inside you. It's gonna hurt a little. You should feel better soon, months 4-7 are about as good as it gets - the nausea tends to decrease, the constant starving!! hunger hasn't started yet, you're big enough that people know you're cookin' up a little one (and not just a little fat) but not so big that turning sideways makes tight spaces worse instead of better. The exhaustion and on-the-edge emotions should back off a little too.

It is overwhelming, and it is a daunting, scary path you've found yourself on. But whether you've got everything ready and perfect and pinned down / zipped up / tied with a bow, that baby will arrive when the time comes and (s)he WON'T CARE.

And your MIL is just stupid. Her problem, not yours.

Shelli said...

your body is growing a little human being - you are going to be a mess until that kid moves out of your house, let alone your uterus! ;)

Sorry there - but yeah, when they first say: "Ani ohevet otach, Eemah..."

TEARS central!

Mazal tov, and I'm sorry it's so hard right now.

Karol-Ann said...

Oh poor you! I remember it well. The first 3 months are the worst (and the last 2 LOL)
With my second I read "childbirth without fear" a horribly out of date book BUT the principles are still the same. Sometimes it's a subconscious fear that causes these symptons (of course hormones et al don't help either).
Wishing you the best and lots of rest. Sleep now, when you have a little one you will be too busy!!

Catherine said...

Blame it on hormones! Hormones can make for some incredible emotional swings. It will be worth it when you have a newborn in your arms!

atet said...

Yes, you can blame the baby. Get through the first trimester, the second is better. The third? Um, depends. No -- you won't ever stop worrying about some of those things -- your life is going to be changing big time, but the rewards? Oh yeah, more smiles will be coming your way as well. As for the recieving blankets -- really? Not all that important :0).

atet said...

Oh, and a big hug to you too :0).

andsewitis Holly said...

All very, very normal, Amy. When you look back, you'll be surprised at how fast nine months went by. I hate talking on phones, too, so you aren't the only one.

Susan Ramey Cleveland said...

Just cry all you like, dear. After the baby comes, you won't have time. Congratulations. I hope you're feeling better soon.

Shelina said...

I cry when I am tired and sleep deprived. I cry when I am under stress (pregnancy is listed as a stressor in the psychology handbooks). I cry when I am hormonal.

You got it all going on. Now is the time to establish the new "rules" for the new household. You're going to need them going forward with the baby as well. Take care of yourself and get lots of rest.

Sheridan said...

Yes, you can blame the baby! I am due just a week before you, so I am at the same stage. I am teary, and tired and some things appear to be insurmountable.

You WILL feel better soon. Hang in there.

anne bebbington said...

Amy - your body is having to work on the most amazing, most difficult puzzle there is - getting that baby formed inside you - no wonder you're totally exhausted. It's little consolation that what you're feeling is absolutely normal - you just have to be gentle on yourself and take care. Anyone who tells you they never had momentary doubts and worries is a great fat liar - you will be fine :o)

Karen Dianne Lee said...

Bless your heart. I'm sorry I'm late on this one. :<

Hugs. *karendianne.

Ruth's Place said...

Sorry I'm late on this one too...

But yes, you can totally blame the baby, I was a weeper as well.

You should start to feel better soon - second trimester - but in the meantime, try to get as much rest as you can.

Ruth's Place said...

That's a really lovely shirt! I had one that said "knocked up" that I loved to wear, can't wear it now though...

Nancy said...

Oh, honey, you are SO normal! I cried and cried when I was pregnant. All three times. It's part of the hormone stuff. I remember how silly I felt, too.

Love,
n, np

Betty J in OKC said...

{{{{Amy}}} Anytime you'd like to trade, I'll volunteer!! In my real life, I care for Mom, who's got severe dementia. She's mentally going backwards to the baby-stage and is becoming incontinent.